CURBLOGZ

im immunized by this mess a very long time ago.

and so if ever it’ll happen again,i’m AS cold as the north pole.

but why do i still cry everytime i remember how cruel people are?

especially those u treated as special friends and in return treat u like nothing important to them?

those people u trreated nicely but in return will lie to you and never take u seriously?

im used to those kind of people…

i met a friend whom i thought is different but end up just like them..

worst,she didn’t even know im hurt by her actions..

im hurt not because i have feelings for her(nope i do not have) but because i did treat her as my true and real friend but in the end im nothing important to her.

even though she told me its ok and that nothing’s changed,still i can feel it..

i maY BE wrong and i hope i am..because she’s the bestfriend i want but can never have..

but still im hoping that someday people will treat me well…

that someday im not gonna be used up…

that someday life will be fair to me (in a good way)…

that someday those people who treated me as if im just a shadow will not be karma…

because i dont believe in karma

but i believe in  guilt…if u have a heart to feel it…

Currently Listening: Sound of Melodies By Leeland Release date: 15 August, 2006

Currently Listening: Smile, It’s the End of the World By Hawk Nelson Release date: 17 August, 2006 Currently Listening: What Are You Waiting For? By FM Static Release date: 22 July, 2003

Currently Listening: Straight to Hell By Hank Williams III Release date: 28 February, 2006

Currently Listening: The Anatomy of the Tongue in Cheek By Relient K Release date: 28 August, 2001 Currently Listening: The Ultimate Collection (Dlx Package) By Hank Williams Release date: 23 July, 2002

a lot of people thought that i’m easy to be fooled because it seems like i believe evry statement they say…

but the truth is nope..i’m an analyzer

i don’t really jump into conclusion (aS OPPOSED TO MY BAND NAME).

i figured things first and consider proper logic…and its funny actually because i have shocked so many people already. they thought they’d put me in their pocket….

well, turns out im the one putting them in my pocket with consequences they might not like…

…and the funny thing is,they don’t even realized they’ve been strucked by their own actions already…

…this foolish world..

..

the moment you forgive,you’ll realize that you are setting a person free and surprisingly,you’ll see that that person you set free is actually….YOURSELF

so if u wanna live healthy and happy,lower than ur pride and learn to forgive.

But if you wanna stay miserable for the rest of your life,then do not forgive.remember,no matter how many mask you’ll wear,if u don’y forgive,you’ll never be happy even if you pretend to be…

I know this is hard folks,but i’ve been there…Heck,i’ve been a reject all my life.i feel like nobody loves me (which im afraid is true)..But heck, i know Jesus does love me and so i have a reason to live still when my horizon is getting darker by the day…

REJECTION IS MY BESTFRIEND and its ok…im alright..im not gonna cry…heck,i got blog tonight…

i think its part of life..or maybe its only part of my life..

mainell told me im self pitying(did i spell this right?) but I’M NOT…I’m just facing the reality of my life ….

…so be it…

michael anthony curan

Currently Listening: White Flag By Shaun Groves Release date: 12 July, 2005

Currently Listening: Divine Discontent By Sixpence None the Richer Release date: 29 October, 2002

Currently Listening: The Black Parade By My Chemical Romance Release date: 24 October, 2006

Currently Listening: Let It Go By Tim McGraw Release date: 27 March, 2007

a free writing exercise is good for
the heart….and also the brain..and
the fingers

Resurfaced (for Christine Mary)

written by michael anthony curan

i know its hard for you now
but i still live and need to move on
i admit i do love you but that was
when i was still courting you

you failed my love and i understand you
i moved on cause i thought i don’t
have a chance on you
and now that i don’t call (text is
boring),
i heard you asked ’bout me
so i called you just out of curiousity.

but you mistook my call as effort and
endurance
you thought im sweet cause even though
you break my heart.
i still remain..

but girl the feeling i have is long
time gone
i learned to forget and now the
feeling is gone
im now happy with my life even without
you by myside.

…and then out of nowhere you told me
everything,
you were just scared i’ll hurt you in
the end.
you were not sure bout me but most of
all,
you were not sure bout you…

…on what you feel if it is true.

you’re afraid to venture into love
when love is knocking.
and now that i found another,
you revealed to me ’bout you’re real
feeling,
that when i did court you,
the truth is you loved me too
you were just afraid so u told
me "no"

2007 words:michael anthony curan

"see,girls are complicated…they
already knew they’ll regret with their
decisions but still ….grrr…

Currently Listening: Right Now By Rushlow Release date: 09 December, 2003

Currently Listening: Major Lodge Victory By Gin Blossoms Release date: 08 August, 2006

Currently Listening: See the Morning By Chris Tomlin Release date: 26 September, 2006

"But i pray everyday that God will bless me and make me a blessing to someone everyday"

    -qouted form my previous post-

Am i really a blessing to you guys?

pls be honest….

This is a post i did back in  June 5,2006..I think its worth reposting except the first paragraph about water.really its non sense anyway. Just me rambling about almost missing a bath..hahahaha

Here’s the blog i did on June 5,2006 beginning with paragraph two:

"Anyways i went on to eat and read a few chapters from country songwriter Betty Jean Robinson’s book Up On Melody MOuntain about her struggle as a poor child growing up in the mountains of Kentucky.

Also read Romans chapter 2 today about the kindness of God that leads to repentance.that’s something i really pondered on because i wonder how God’s kindness leads to repentance.Do we repent our sins when we enjoyed all the luxuries God has given us? Do we repent when our lives seems to float just like we wanted it to be?I wonder why the kindness of God leads to repentance.

Then suddenly i got some kinda mind thought-shifting.I remember those days in my life that i deserved brutal punishment from God for always disobeying Him yet i was bailed out from it.Those days when i deserved to die yet God let me live…..just to have a second chance.Oh, how could i be so foolish! How could i not get it? Because of God’s kindness i’n still here typing this journal on myspace.Because of God’s kindness i’m still writing songs.Because of GOd’s kindness i stil have a beautiful and caring mother.Because of God’s kindness i’m still a medical technology student (i thought i’ll be debarred).

Praise the Lord ! Thank God for sparing my unfaithful life.I know no matter how i try to be good i can never achieve it without the grace of God.Not that being good can take you to heaven.No.Heaven is not a matter of either ur bad or good.It’s a free gift of God but with an expensive cost,the blood of Jesus.In order to go there(heaven),all you have to do is recognize that you are a sinner in need of God’s forgiveness and accept Jesus in your heart.

But to tell you the truth,i only arrived at that conclusion in life back in the days when i felt so useless and desolate.When i felt suicide is the only answer.But thank God His kindness came over my life,and it lead me to repentance!

So am i a good person now? DO i have halos on my head? No.I’m still like everybody,a sinner.But the difference is that now i have hope.Now i am secured that when i die,heaven is where i go.

I’m still a pilgrim in this world and can only arrive at perfection when the day will come that i’ll be there with the angels.

So why do i brag myself to be good?I never brag myself to be good cause like i said i can never do so.But i pray everyday that God will bless me and make me a blessing to someone everyday.And that by his grace,I wil not mess up my life today….and the days to come."

amen

Michael Anthony Curan

Currently Listening: How to Grow a Woman from the Ground By Chris Thile Release date: 12 September, 2006

Currently Listening: Not All Who Wander Are Lost By Chris Thile Release date: 09 October, 2001

Currently Listening: Shania Twain - Greatest Hits By Shania Twain Release date: 09 November, 2004

Currently Listening: The Road to Here By Little Big Town Release date: 04 October, 2005

Currently Reading: The Donor By Frank M. Robinson Release date: 30 August, 2005

i’ve been hurt a lot that right now,as i stare into this blank page,i can no longer think of anything to write about. my heart is too consumed with the realization that no matter what i do,i always end up in pain and misery!

i feel like nobody really cares about me and that i am no longer important to friends and families. not only "no longer important" but i guess "never that important" at all.

all these ramblings are not without bases.

i live my life everyday trying to be a good citizen,a good son,good student,and a good friend. i love people but i’m not expecting their love in return.

and i am right for not expecting because nobody really loves me in return (except God.but im talking human talk). never feel i am being loved by the people that sorrounds me.

i feel like a thing rather than a person. that people can just go and use me and then after they consumed me,act like they didn’t really know me.

i mean that they only make friends to me or be in my company because they like me for being this and being that and that they can use me to do this or do that and do them favors and stuffs.but not really liking me as being michael anthony curan,complete with stains and rancid shadows…

and that’s why you,the readers and my so called friends,can never dictate how i wear clothes,how i smile,or how i dress my freakin hair! if you don’t like me for being me then don’t pretend to like me at all. 

i will still be your friends folks and you can still expect me to do what and how a friend should but lets just be honest and its fine with me.

Love is not expecting something in returns anyway.

but all i’m expecting is a little honesty

and for those reading this whose talent is to misinterpret things,then better stop because maybe ur too narrow minded enough not to see beyond each pressing of the space bar.

and yes,i am not talking of one person or groups of person..or the church or some organization….

I am addressing to you all…..

…and,as my heart and my fingers work togethert,i did write something after all…

Currently Listening: She Must and Shall Go Free By Derek Webb Release date: 25 March, 2003

(This CD contains my favorite song "Nobody Loves Me". A song i whish i wrote.:-) )

Currently Listening: Major Lodge Victory By Gin Blossoms Release date: 08 August, 2006

Currently Listening: Brian McComas By Brian McComas Release date: 22 July, 2003

Currently Reading: The Donor By Frank M. Robinson Release date: 30 August, 2005

Currently Watching: Flicka Release date: 06 February, 2007

When God knows ur ready for the responsibility, He’ll reveal the right person under the right circumstances" - Joshua Harris

Joshua is right! most of us,me included are so dying to see who’s the perfect match. and because of our too much excitement,we often end up in the wrong match and therefore get a lot of heartache.

I know that lots of us are busy right now finding a date this valentine. i myself is one of you until i read that qoute posted by one of friendster user.

then i started to ponder on the thoughts. why do i always like the wrong person? why do all the girls i like do not reciprocate my feelings?

for a moment i thought i’m damned on love or maybe im just plain unlucky. but then as i ponder i realize this; what will gonna happen to me in a relationship? why do i wanna enter it in the first place? is it because i want somebody to love or becasue i want somebody to hug? and kiss and pet and, if the girl is hot enough (and mostly are), sex?!

the bible clearly speaks of premarital sex as an immoral act.a desrespect to God’s wonderful creation and blissful gift for married couple.but then our human urge is everything but biblical.we always tend to go the wrong way. and even if we say we’ll never get involve in PMS,we still can’y be sure.especially me on my side.l I am weak and fragile. I easily stumble and im thankful enough that Jesus always pick me up. but i don’t wanna stumble on sex. I want myself to be preserved for that special person i’ll tie the bond with.

Plus being a medtech student is never easy plus my dreams.I want them accomplished by God’s grace.i know those two reasons can be much more motivated if you’re inlove and have a partner but….but am i really inlove? is what i feel really love? or im just feeding my selfish desire of having someone to "love"?(u know what i mean by that).

i acknowledge i do have a crush. infact i consider that i love her.for what reason? i can’t stop thinking about her.She’s so nice,caring,concern,intelligent,good looking,not to mention cute,and with highlights in her hair.and for that reason i want to make her mine. Why? because of those characters listed above. nothings wrong with that really. but then comes the time when somebody is courting her.im kinda furious. i want to compete (although i can already see im gonna lose).why? because i don’t want her to be in somebody’s arms.Why? girls might hate me this but its true.i don’t want her to belong to another becasue i don’t wat somebody’s kisses to fall into her lips and neck! how selfish is that? is that how love is really measure?

the Bible says that love is patient,kind,not envy.Not envy….definitely i envied the guy. specially that he’s handsome. but then again are my reasons mature enough to fight for what i call love for her?

you might say just for experience sake. sure.experience.they say that experience is the best teacher but then will you  pick up some shit in the CR and taste it so that you will really experience the foulty of it? will you go to your microbiology class not wearing a mask and a gown just to experience how is it to be really infected with Mycobacterium tuberculosis?

you’ve seen and observed and heard the effect and aftermath of those two situation many times.countless.will you still try just to really see for yourself?

same thing with your so called "experience". i have a lot of friends in high school and even in college who’s lives are messed up because they wanna experience.the condom and rhythm method didn’t work.

and so what happened?

teenage mom without a dad.or teenage dad without a mom(this is rare.or is it?).

some of you rich folks are ok for you because you can still afford a single teenage parent lifestyle. but the question is,are you really happy? if given a chance to turn back time will you take it? some might say yes. some might say nope.they’re happy with the baby because its a bleesing acording to them. true enough it is a blessing but did you ever think that somehow its better if there’s a dad to support it?

and for some who are not abandoned by the guys and are living together.well you might say you’re lucky and bacause you love each other it’ll be fine no matter where the wind blows…

but then later in your 30’s you’ll find someone better than your college sweetheart. you say its not possible but folks,it happened.i know people whos family are broken because of the irresponsibilty of the parents…and we,pls let us not repeat what the eldest had done ok?

so let us all pray and wait for the right one in the right time to save a broken heart.i know this is so freakin painful to say becasue i myself is being hammered by my own thoughts.it’s hard to lift these fingers to type this because i myself is hit by it.

but friends its the truth.and truth hurts. But it can also set us free .

Currently Listening: Jason Aldean By Jason Aldean Release date: 26 July, 2005

Currently Listening: Chris Cagle By Chris Cagle Release date: 01 April, 2003

Currently Reading: Boy Meets Girl: Say Hello to Courtship By Joshua Harris Release date: 28 September, 2000

Currently Listening: The Road to Here By Little Big Town Release date: 04 October, 2005

Currently Listening: Loose By Nelly Furtado Release date: 20 June, 2006

What if your girlfriend is really inlove with someone else and she just happens to be your girlfriend because the person she’s inlove with is too dumb or stupid enough to take the adventure of winning and losing and therefore not doing anything at all?

Or if the guy your girlfriend falls inlove with has already a girlfriend or maybe the guy doesn’t like your girlfriend at all?

And if your girlfriend’s crush (or the one that her hearts really beats for) doesn’t like your girlfriend,then maybe your girlfriend is questionable (?)

What kind of questionable?

Heck don’t ask me i don’t have a girlfriend !!!!@

anyways,just comment on the first two paragraph would you?

(upon writing the word paragraph,i have to run to the dictionary to check how it spells casue i spelled it as "paragrapgh"..That’s how dumb i am nowadays.Maybe due to lack of sleep.Man this Medtech thingy is killing me !!! )

Currently Listening: World Gone Mad By Kenny Marks Release date: 14 November, 1995

Currently Listening: Lifehouse By Lifehouse Release date: 22 March, 2005

Currently Listening: BareNaked By Jennifer Love Hewitt Release date: 08 October, 2002

Currently Watching: Facing the Giants (Widescreen) Release date: 30 January, 2007

Some people drink to forget.

Some go to the extreme and commit suicide.

Well,those people,sorry to tell,are fools!

Life is far more wonderful than a single or even a dozen failures and heartaches…

So what do i do when hit by this thunderstricken storm?

I write write write and sing and pray and pray and pray…yep

i know very well that God has a plan for me and this heartache is only a cause of my stupidity.

And i know that God loves me. And so when this bastard child of God messed up,where can i go but to tell it all and lay it all to my ever loving Father?