CURBLOGZ

i’m not supposed to be here but having no classes,no new books to read,no gigs,and no TV in the room,the best entertainment i can have is listening to my favorite singer/songwriters on myspace and reading their blogs opn what they have to say.Well,i stumbled on this old blog by andrew osenga and i thought it might be best to share this to you cause to be honest,he says it more clearly than me to paraphrase it.

Plus i know we all are victims of this lie.

So here goes taken from:

http://www.andrewosenga.com/blog/2005/04/25/oprah-you-were-wrong/

I wrote a new song today, the first in a long while, and thats the first line. My wife got a subscription to Oprahs magazine, O, and this month a special little booklet entitled What I Know is True, or something to that effect, came with it. Jason was over here last night and picked it up and started reading little tidbits out to us all. She quoted the Bible verse You shall know the truth, and the truth shall set you free and went on to say that the definition of truth is whatever feels right to you in your heart. I started getting mad. Then Jason read things like love never hurts, it only feels good and when things get confused or sad, just look in your heart, and believe in yourself. Man, I was fuming by then.

You see, Ive been wrestling with this idea that we all grew up being taught a load of crap about who we are, and that now we are reaping the consequences of it, and we dont even know it. The things I am talking about are phrases like Believe in yourself, if you believe it, you can achieve it, when in doubt, follow your heart. These things sound so good, but have we ever really thought about them? Look over those sentences again. Can you believe that anyone would fall for that? How obviously and deeply wrong each statement is! There are tons of these out there, floating around, but they all pretty much stem from these three, the greatest of these being, of course, Believe in yourself. Im going to take a quick minute and explain why I think these are flawed and why I think that matters.

3. Whats true is what you know in your heart

We have heard this in every movie made for kids in the last twenty-five years, but have we really thought about it? If you look at this from a Christian perspective its fallacy is obvious. The heart of man is not always a good thing, some would argue, and would probably win, that its NEVER completely a good thing. My heart is selfish, always wanting, never wanting to give, always looking for the things that will make me feel good. What does my heart tell me to do? It tells me to cheat on my wife, to lie on my taxes, to look down on people, to lie, to always be on top. I know that I need to look to something outside of me, something greater than me, to lead me and to tell me what to do.

From a non-christian perspective, I want to know that the people around me are looking to something outside of them as well. I want to know my government is run by people who are not following their heart, but their ideas of right and wrong, justice and mercy. That they will follow the rules of their job, the Constitution, and not whatever theyre feeling at the moment. If Im on trial, I want to know that the truth means who really shot J.R., not what somebody thinks might have happened. Truth is not relative in the courtroom. Nor in the business world. Your heart may tell you to turn around and go back to your girlfriend, but youre the pilot of a plane and your passengers need to be going to see their families and doing their jobs. These ideas are romantic in the movies, but chaos in real life.

2. If You Believe It, You Can Achieve It.

This one probably makes me the most mad, because it is the most obviously untrue. The simple fact is: You cant always do what you want to. When I was in jr. high I practiced for hours a day at basketball. I played ten times the basketball that I played guitar. Guess what? I suck at basketball. I have no depth perception. I have asthma. I barely have enough balance to walk to the kitchen. I cant play basketball. I wanted to join the team at school so bad. I tried out every year. I was never good enough. I guarantee you I practiced harder and wanted it more than most of those kids on the team, but it wasnt going to happen.

On the flip side, I have a job that a lot of people wish they had. I know that. I get cds in the mail every week and after every show from people who want to be musicians. They feel they have something to offer, and the talent to make it. The truth is: most of those cds are pretty bad. I hate that, but its true. Im very blessed to get to play music for a living, and I know that God has given me the gifts to do that. I also know there are people who want those gifts more than I do, and they flat-out dont have them. No one wants to listen to someone who cant sing in tune. Thats why American Idols ratings are down this season. (Sorry, couldnt resist.) Some of these people, I know, have worked way harder than I have to create an opportunity for themselves, but it just wont happen.

Why do I think this is a dangerous belief? Because its so good to hear. Its so encouraging when youre starting out, or discouraged. But its a lie. A lie is never helpful in the long run. I believe that we, as humans, were created with limits, and that those are a good thing. Im not saying we shouldnt have goals, Im not saying we should give up. Im saying that life is easier when we accept that we wont always succeed, because we wont. We need to realize that there is more to life than failure and victory, especially when we all fail more than we dont.

One of my best friends grew up with very supportive parents, both teachers. They raised him with this belief. He spent years working towards a certain goal that he would never reach. I remember the day he realized it. It killed him. He really believed that what he put his mind to, he could do. But he couldnt. And he could barely believe it. He looked at me, crying, and said, but I tried so hard. I believed it, how couldnt it happen? It was supposed to happen.

I think that moment is why I have such a hard time with that phrase. It did damage. That lie took years of his life that he probably should have been spending elsewhere, it took him away from his family, and most of all, it broke his heart. Believing in a lie will only hurt when the lie is exposed.

1. Believe in Yourself

And this one can only be seen as wrong from a Christian perspective, but its the fundamental fallacty to all of these statements. I believe that the heart of this movement, of these ideas, is really an evil thing. I believe that we, as humans, were meant to live in harmony with a God who was greater than us, who made all, knew all, and had power over all. HE could do whatever He put His mind to. Our very existence is evidence of that. To put your hope in yourself, to trust that the answers are all inside your heart is really, at its core, a denial of the relationship between God and man. We were created to believe in Him, not in us. In Him, would we find the answers to our questions. In Him, will we find the truth that will set us free. In Him, can we put our faith and trust, can we find rest and peace, can we move mountains.

Its easy to see through a ridiculous lie, through one that insults us or demeans us. Its the subtle lies, the sweet ones, the ones that go down easy, that we fall for. And, like candy to the tooth, over time they chip away at us, reshaping the way the truth really tastes and feels, until we dont recognize it, and fall for an imposter.

Its my prayer that we would start seeing these ideas for what they really are, and stand up to them. I hope that we can live in a world where our hope can be greater than ourselves. These ideas that seem so much more hopeful than the idea of sin and depravity, are really a cancer that grow to choke out a greater hope, one of redemption and perfection. You see, there is no real freedom in lies, but there IS a freedom in knowing who we really are, our limitations and our imperfections, and knowing who we can really put our hope in. This is not a pipe dream or inspirational poster, but a new heaven and a new earth, with no tears and no failings!

Also, no cheesy R. Kelly pop songs where people sing that they believe they can fly when they obviously cant. If he really believed that, theyd lock him up, which I guess theyre about to do anyway

There u go guys,hope that helps.You know there’s a saying that great minds do collide.:-)

well,i guess ine just collided with Andy’s.:-)

one of the reason why is that we both read our bible

Currently listening: Miracle Of Forgetting By Eric Peters Release date: By 17 June, 2003

Hello there !

my friend ryan arrived last sunday from his little town in jagna,bohol but i didn’t noticed him till yesterday.so the old routine is up again:sleep in his room and watch too much tv (thaT’S BECAUSE I DONT HAVE A TV IN MY ROOM).

anyways i didn’t have anything to tell u guys right now.i wanna watch cars this thursday but my allowance is still on saturday.i ain’t got shows and don’t have any cds to sell so,NO CASH !!!

i’m here stuck in somebody else’s computer reading some blogs from andrew osenga (www.andrewosenga.com) and shaun groves (www.shaungroves.com) .they are some of my favorite singer/songwriter,and in this case,author.:-)

im also listening to some music from matthew perry jones (www.myspace.com/mpjmusic), andrew peterson (www.myspace.com/andrewpetersonmusic),  andrew osenga,and some of my old cassettes of The Normals,Sister Hazel,waterdeep,Garth Brooks,quickflight,and Steve Taylor.I’m kinda vintage u know.:-) and yeah,im also at www.cmt.com right now listening to John Cowans brand new compact disc,New Tattoo.

i dunno if i could catch u tomorrow but for sure catch u this sunday.

take care and God bless u guys.

michael anthony curan

Currently listening: New Tattoo By John Cowan Release date: By 13 June, 2006

It’s been a good night sleep for me last night.I slept at 12 midnight and woke up at 1:30 AM.I almost missed the water but thank God still got a few minutes  to take a bath.:-)

Anyways i went on to eat and read a few chapters from country songwriter Betty Jean Robinson’s book Up On Melody MOuntain about her struggle as a poor child growing up in the mountains of Kentucky.

Also read Romans chapter 2 today about the kindness of God that leads to repentance.that’s something i really pondered on because i wonder how God’s kindness leads to repentance.Do we repent our sins when we enjoyed all the luxuries God has given us? Do we repent when our lives seems to float just like we wanted it to be?I wonder why the kindness of God leads to repentance.

Then suddenly i got some kinda mind thought-shifting.I remember those days in my life that i deserved brutal punishment from God for always disobeying Him yet i was bailed out from it.Those days when i deserved to die yet God let me live…..just to have a second chance.Oh, how could i be so foolish! How could i not get it? Because of God’s kindness i’n still here typing this journal on myspace.Because of God’s kindness i’m still writing songs.Because of GOd’s kindness i stil have a beautiful and caring mother.Because of God’s kindness i’m still a medical technology student (i thought i’ll be debarred).

Praise the Lord ! Thank God for sparing my unfaithful life.I know no matter how i try to be good i can never achieve it without the grace of God.Not that being good can take you to heaven.No.Heaven is not a matter of either ur bad or good.It’s a free gift of God but with an expensive cost,the blood of Jesus.In order to go there(heaven),all you have to do is recognize that you are a sinner in need of God’s forgiveness and accept Jesus in your heart.

But to tell you the truth,i only arrived at that conclusion in life back in the days when i felt so useless and desolate.When i felt suicide is the only answer.But thank God His kindness came over my life,and it lead me to repentance!

So am i a good person now? DO i have halos on my head? No.I’m still like everybody,a sinner.But the difference is that now i have hope.Now i am secured that when i die,heaven is where i go.

I’m still a pilgrim in this world and can only arrive at perfection when the day will come that i’ll be there with the angels.

So why do i brag myself to be good?I never brag myself to be good cause like i said i can never do so.But i pray everyday that God will bless me and make me a blessing to someone everyday.And that by his grace,I wil not mess up my life today….and the days to come.

amen

Michael Anthony Curan

Currently listening: The Promised Land By Del McCoury Band Release date: By 13 June, 2006

Hello everyone !!!

This is gonna be my first ever online journal of a day in my life.

Well,nothing much really today.I woke up at around 6am today,said a little prayer and get on with life.But what’s to get on? Classes doesn’t start yet and i don’t have enough money to roam around the city.So after i ate my breakfast i went directly to the internet cafe (i don’t have a computer! ) and start surfing.I’m so overwhelmed lately by the writings and music of Andrew Peterson so i went to his website and read his journal while listenig to his music on myspace (its a shame the philippines is not selling his cd !).I am so touch by his journal entry entitled Brittle Brown where he talks about "being like two people in the same body".Kinda like what Paul talks about in the book of Romans.

It hit me cause i feel the same way.Sometimes,ok,most of the times,i did what is not pleasing in the eyes of God while all the way im longing to do the opposite.It’s a constant struggle and every time it comes out i just couldn’t help my self but cry out to my Father to hold so i won’t fall.

And He did !

Sometimes we view trials and bad circumstances as storms in life or sometimes we even think that God has left us.But actually these very trials and bad circumstances are like "wake up calls" to us to return to God cause I know he doesn’t want us to suffer forever. (and i mean the literal FOREVER!).

Also today i finalized the music and arrangement of a song i wrote called " Take This Sins Away" about my struggle and desire to let God take control of my life. Cause honestly,no matter how badly we want to change ourselves,the more we try it,the greater we fail.Why? Because we are only human and everything in us are corrupt (romans 3:23).And it don’t take a genius to realize that! All u have to do is look around you,or better yet,look around yourself.

Anyways,at around 1pm i turned on my radio and listen to this program called "Talk To Papa" where listener’s called and ask for advice to fellow listeners.Most of the problem they raised are actually non sense and some teenage love affair.But what caught my ear was this woman,age 22.Her story is that she had a bf who doesn’t treat her nice.He always threw words that are hurtful to her.Out of grievance and pain,she met this other guy somewhere and somehow they became good friends and he became her comforter.

One day,she and her mother had a fight.I think it was big enough for her to move out of their house and live with her comforter,the guy she just met.To make long story short,she got pregnant and now on her 9 months.But during her 7 months,this guy started treating her unkindly,kinda like the same way her x-boyfriend treated her back then.Until they fight over small things and later,he finally confessed that he’s been married and that the girl is somewhere abroad.

Because she can’t take it no more,she kicked the guy out of the house.but she eventually regretted it cause now there’s no night where she doesn’t cry out for him to come back.

Anyways her problem is she doesn’t know what to do anymore.She attempted suicide once but it doesn’t work.She’s afraid to go back to her parents house cause she’s afraid she will not be accepted anymore.

Some listeners offered some advices like she should talk heart to heart with the guy and that she should go back to her parents and ask for forgiveness.Some says that she should pray constantly to God,especially that this girl doesnt pray that much.while others pass judgment to her that what happened to her is like a karma from her mother for disobeying her.

Well,i aint got to interact cause my cell phone has no load.(thanks to my tight allowance) but if i was able to,i would tell the girl to swallow her pride and face the now.that she should go back to her parents and heartlily ask for forgiveness.I believe no mother or father in the world cannot forgive their daughters.

Partly,i also agree with some listeners bout their karma opinion.But i DON’T CONSIDER it karma.Rather,i consider it as God touching her very soul.Kinda like a wake up call,"Daughter,u choose this life and i know its not easy but hey,there is hope.Look up to me and i will turn ur world upside down.Remember,there is no trials and pain that i allowed that u cannot handle.all is well.Just trust iin me my child."

Actually i can relate to her too.not that i’m pregnant (hehehehe) but i also experienced some trials that i thought so deep that God left me.But in the midst of it all,god was just showing me a better way.That i cannot continue living in sin for it doesn’t glorify Him.

So folks,thats it for now for i have lots of things to do,like reading and eating and texting.hehehhehehe

see u again next time.tonight i’ll probably sleep at around 12md cause my land lord doesn’t want me to roam around the city at night.she’s another angel in disguise.lol

GOD BLESS,

Michael Anthony Curan